Drained but not Demotivated

Its a saturday and I am indoors. I have been home all day today,as I woke up very tired and drained. I have being facilitating training
sessions that have brought me smiles cause the participants have been amazing and cooperative. However,my voice is a bit cracky as I talked so much it complained.

And now, I feel a bit unwell. So I just used some pain relieves as I have been doing in the last three days consecutively. I have training to facilitate on Monday and Tuesday,after which I will travel on Tuesday night. I hope I can cope with all the stress I am muddled up into on this job. I feel drained, but dont feel demotivated. I know I will be fine again.

Days have wings

I came here just about a week ago and have lived in this room for about six nights now. Its time to leave. Its time to go back home,and I am happy for it. There are obvious reasons to be happy for it. The activities I have taken part in has been very fascinating and being the rapporteur for the one week like I always have been,was worth the stressful pleasure. But time flies,and it has fled again. My sight could not follow it in this flight. So I am ready
to move to its direction,and return home again. I have learned that we all have a part to play in the educational development of
our land.Ops! The intercom rings calling me to the breakfast table.

I think I will have to go swiftly,so that I can have what I love best at breakfast,beacons and hot-dogs. I have had many fingers of
the latter. Days have wings,and its time to say goodbye and not farewell to Rockview Hotels!I will be back in July for 3 nights!

Stretching my tolerance

Was in the community yesterday as planned. And what else was i expecting. I got it more than i felt i should. I had a poor experience with the community members but i had to tie down my heart so it would not burst out of anger. How can i explain all the audacity in the hands of one vice-chair who saw himself as a demi-god. Anyhow that is the price to pay when you want to help those who feel they are so knowledgeable.

After all,the schools are owned by the community. I will do my best. All I have to do is provide support for those who need it. I wonder what the community forum will look like;bringing together over 40 like minds with the vice-chair! hmmm, oh my God hear my voice and see me through. It is my calling. I cant deny that testimony of my heart.

Letter from my mind

Huh i had a terrific outing today. I was drained and nearly lost my motivation . I had hopped from school to school in the rains. I had learned more routes in lagos but i am not enjoying school heads and their approach to things. But for a few who made me smile and
rejoice,most of them made me nearly loose my sanity.

Anyhow i had to also get to apapa today and the education secretary was amazing . He made working on the activities a bit more relaxing. I didnt have breakfast until about 2pm and i had it hot-amala and ewedu soup. Something i have not had like forever. Anyhow i returned home and not to the office else i may faint before the
truth.

Lost voice

I never knew my voice was waiting for my last outing before it will strike. And strike it did! You may have noticed i have been less frequent speaking to my note about my dear dreams, stresses and worries. Its just as is. I had to be at community meetings. Being a project manager is both fun and stress. But i still have to do it anyhow and so i did tons of talking.

Finally,community forum ended at about six in the evening yesterday but it left me yearning for sleep like oxygen. So i slept, only to wake up this morning to realize i had lost something which i need most as i travel tomorrow again for six days. And what else will you need most at a conference where you need to create an impact? Your voice,Intact!

I have to slow down, else!

Perhaps I may break down if I dont slow up with the pace I am moving at. I have a Timeline,no doubt. But should i religiously
ignore my feelings,I may be sorry. So today,I am at my desk and will make the calls instead. I know the calls will cost me thousands of naira but I think the implication of moving around Lagos is steep.

I will coordinate from this desk today. And delegate those that need to be delegated. Alas, I just pulled a call across to a school principal and she was very helpful. She has made my job easy as she will help me get stakeholders from her community. And what
about shopping at Shoprite,at cheaper rates? I think I may have to stop over there this afternoon cause providing refreshment for my over 700 community stakeholders is no joke. so i have to get there and get a better bargain. I wont delegate that job!

Feeding the interest groups?

Now the forum is intended for people who have keen interest in development of community education . The should be interested in community mobilization and participation. Government cant do it alone in providing quality education for our children . So i hope to complement the effort of the lagos state government . Alas,these community members i am inviting are strange in their reasoning .
They have asked if something like cash will be given for their being present. Isnt that strange ?

The idea to develop education in their communities is not a bad one and im not going to be a primary beneficiary of it. Im worried i will be feeding the wrong people at
the forum. But let me hope some wont waste the food. Let me believe they will become true partners in education and its development even in their own communities .

Staying of the screen

Its Saturday and I have deliberately decided not to looking at anything official. I am fond of bringing work home,having breakfast ,lunch and dinner over work.

Its almost like i belong to the slow group that take work home. Sometimes i am almost tempted to believe i assign myself to some unnecessary task. But
just when i am thinking and feeling so, there are several reasons to agree I have to be busy after all.

So today, I am not on the system to work on anything official. I will be here, for just one thing. To single task "relax" and catch some fun! Its a different Saturday.

The kings son delegates

Its another day. I am at work. I thought there would be a holiday,as speculated. But there is none. I am at my desk and wont go out of this office until I am ready to go home. In my new fashion, I will make the calls from my desk and delegate some of the other things to colleagues. And fine,things are going on as expected. I just hope that the rains will not make a mess of my program planned for the next four days.

For now, I am catching some fun and feeling fly cause I am able to relax more and still get things done through others. I see that is what delegation is. I see that the most profitable people are those who delegate the jobs they themselves can do. For now, I feel like a king. After all, I am the kings son!

Reasons for joy

I got to work early today and beat the threatening rain. Thats a reason for joy,and abundant one at that. I have a reason to thank Him Jehovah,who is able to keep us all from falling . Who has helped me to keep climbing on the greasy pole of life. Who has guided and encouraged me along the long journey of life. Who has promised me
that though the journey be long, I'll get there! There are really abundant reasons for joys.

Strength in my own world

Ops! Its been a day as i had to multitask myself . I was everywhere on phone and in some cases physically . I have never had so huge a discouragement but i think it will be finer tomorrow . Anyhow i am here again at a school in aguda, aguda grammar school precisely .

Im waitin on community members . I hope my voice stays intact. Im drained and my energy and strength stretched!

Goofed?

I had the roughest time today. I goofed. or will i say I compromised?! I allowed a kill-joy to determine my tempo today and I kept a whole community waiting for me at a venue,much after I had arrived and excused myself to be away for just 15 minutes.

But alas,I never returned.I dont think I can face that community again. They have lost faith in me. So there,I think I goofed!

The turn of the coconut

I just arrived Badagry. I'll be here for 24hours. Its the turn of the coconut as i cant have the special delicacies of yester-days!

Anyhow it is fun being at peace with nature. This is an ancient town with serene ambience! No artificial items in sight. Just nature,pure and sure. Untouched and virgin! Thats all i see,left and right in the coconut town Badagry.

A mystery can

My diary,I'm sure you are fine today. I opened a can today. It was filled with loads of revelations. It is a mystery can. I have always
suspected this can. The can was beautiful and well adorned. But I was suspicious of its content.

I had wanted to know why the can was the delight of every merchant,and the place of rest for every bird that lurked. And soon I began to realize how true it is; all that glitters are not gold.

I will not waste my time anymore around this can. No,I think it would be an effort in futility. Should I dispose you or keep you as
an antiquity? Only the days ahead will let me know!

Should I dare waste taxpayers money?

I woke up this morning with the feeling to remain in bed. But I hear all I spend during this conference is Tax payers money! Thats something to think about after all. I am at comfort zone and I wont want to waste the money. So I dont think I will remain in BED as my dear heart and body yearns for today. I will be multitasking as I promised a few people I will assist them with a report. Also, I am presently rapporteur at this conference so its also a challenge. I cant stay in bed now until later. I will have to get to the bath now and prepare for the day since Tax payers have paid for this!lol

Dripping nostrils

My nostrils dripped and my handkerchief could hardly handle it! I was invited to the office of the department for international development DFID at Ikeja. I worked for the crew as there is a training coming up on Thursday which I am also invited to. After working on some flip charts, for a period of four hours or so- i was done with the work. It was time for lunch and a lady came in,the cook. She asked what I loved to have for lunch. I said i needed pounded yam with four pieces of beef and vegetable soup. In a flash, all the items were staring at me. I set to eat and when i was done,I was in tears. I had enjoyed my meal but obviously my shirt was stained and my nostrils were dripping!lol

Finding no space to keep this

I am not a glutton. I eat to live and not live to eat. But lately, maybe with an instnict call to gain weight, i have begun to eat brazenly. I do so mostly when I just have no choice but to eat. And eat I did today, so much I was gasping for breathe. I had all I saw on the buffet table. I was told I cold swim in the meals for all the restaurant cares but I cannot take any meals out of there! So, I went with the action. Eating and filling my little tummy , which for want of words i would say is a bit bigger than a birds gizzard. I just did my best. I eat all there was I had in my meal- beef, sausages, potatoes, fried plantain, baked beans, fruit salad,cakes, to mention but a few. All these were for breakfast. I actually didn't mention some items as the names of these meals will cause my tongue a bit of stress,or my fingers a little more problem. So I faced the meals and ignored their names. For now, I am here and a bit more happy with myself. Maybe I will gain some weight over my lanky frame. I cant have dinner, as I have had about 2 tea breaks today with high cholesterol delicacies. I cannot find any space in my tummy for a single meal tonight!

Eating my taboo

I have been so busy lately, more than usual. Anyhow I was at an event yesterday and I had a great meal. Afterwards I was served pawpaw,a fruit I detest so much. The calibre of guest around me forced me to eat it! I never did in my near 29years of life. But i did yesterday and sure, I frowned a bit. Wish I had turned the offer down when asked. But I had thought I'd be given pineapples!ave been so busy lately, more than usual. Anyhow I was at an event yesterday and I had a great meal. Afterwards I was served pawpaw,a fruit I detest so much. The calibre of guest around me forced me to eat it! I never did in my near 29years of life. But i did yesterday and sure, I frowned a bit. Wish I had turned the offer down when asked. But I had thought I'd be given pineapples!

Wish 10 made a week

Hello note. Its been a hectic week for me. I have been everywhere lately and trying to work on the community trainings I have slated for next week. Its a big challenge which I just have to battle with. My projects are fine opportunities for me to work and do what I like to do best. But the rain has been unkind to me this week. Aside from that, I have had to visit so many offices in a shortwhile-especially under the rain. It rained on Monday and I was wet like a jelly. I had to meet with more than one appointment and I felt biking was the best on the Lagos route. Anyhow, I have to do some trainings for next week. Two days training per location and I have four locations to train before my next trip. I have just five working days to deliver this! And I just think that is so impossible. So for now, I think I will wish I had 10 days make one week!

Whats this with male teachers?

Hmmm it was a fine day yesterday. The world day for prevention of child abuse held yesterday,with a glowing call- adults and young people unite for better prevention of violence and abuse against children. I had planned the event for a government secondary school in surulere. In fact, it was my alma mata. And in fine, we got to sensitise the young children present along side parents and teachers. At the start of the program, a few male teacher were in sight. But i soon noticed they took to their heels when the discussion was focused,and rightly so on the most egregious form of abuse there is-sexual abuse,especially in girls. I had read out shocking statistics that close to 80per cent of young persons get sexually assaulted before 18years. And this assault comes from people whom they trust and may be caregivers and even religious persons. To be sure i was not just reading those foreign statistics that make it look exaggerated, i requested the over 50students to pick a paper and pen-writing out if they are male or female,and then letting me know in yes or no,if they have been sexually abused before. I was amazed. The per centage was alarming. BOTH boys and girls,with a degree higher for girls. I was yet to get a shocker. I requested anonymous question written and passed to me while the program went on. What did i see in the papers? Wow, most of our male teachers are sexually abusing our girls. IT is a fact. I almost caused a row yesterday when i asked for the male teachers to be present. The students had been glad their day for salvation was here. But i had to rethink that. I STOPPED it. BUT largely,most girls went to the counselling unit of my organization. THERE,with competent ladies,i hope they will be saved from our male teachers.

Torn emotions

Alas i'm ready to go back home after rigorously participating in the mentoring and monitoring capacity building that spanned 5 days. I'm fortified but i'm a bit apprehensive about the magnitude of work ahead. I'm a worksmith,mind you. But i'v decided to choose my battles. I don't want to break down again. I don't want to suffer from burnout. So i'm torn apart,between my enthusiasm and maybe tokenism. I hear a voice telling me to place this responsibility on my shoulders. But the brave man in me has often placed it on the head. I think i'll do the right thing but on a reasonable pace. With me turning 29 in a few days from now,I know now that i'm not getting young. Many thoughts begging for attention. Marriage. Child bearing. Career enhancement. Family life. Recreation . All these seem to stir a role confusion in my mind. And i don't want to allow anyone define my joy. I need to do all these,but how prepared emotionally is this torn heart? Time,not I will tell!

Patches of pains

Hmmm this is now not funny. My soul aches. I just have pains emotionally. But its so hard to share it on this note. Its hard to know what secrets to spill and which to keep. Many people obviously have enough secrets of their own. And so, I JUST have to bear alone this patches of pain. Only you know what it is, yes you! Why this pain hurts so much!

Analysis before 29

There's this urgent need for me to make appraisals as a turn a new age on sunday. I think it became more necessary as new responsibilities,roles and relationships came knocking at my door. And my response actually did decide how happy or sad i was for the most part of the year. There had been so much to experience and learn from-especially as it goes to show that most of our worries and misfortunes come from friendship or relationship with the wrong persons. I've for one had too much turmoil and I've really walked through that shadow that nearly veiled my joy forever. But its time to check what i HAD done well,or that which i've erroneously ignored. To see that which was left severely alone,and that which was overzealously pursued. If i may say I'v had the worst in health But i recovered. I'v had the worst in relationship and I'm RECOVERING. Yes, i'm recovering from all these. And a prompting brave and determined spirit is teaching me the way forward. I'm making a solemn reflection on my birthday,just 2 days away. And whats the likely outcome? I'm so sure-purge out nearly half of the company i presently keep. I don't think many of them are with me beyond to slope my self esteem and demotivate me. They've proved to be human leeches who never get satisfied with all I can do. ITS time for me to get going. I won't win if I don't decide,so follow me as I make my thoughts known shortly!

No gratitude for 10 received

I'm on my way home, as I'v closed for the year! hurray for a journey so far,good though laced with stress and storm. Anyway, I saw a little scene that reminded me of a few weeks back. I received a cash gift of 10pounds from my elder sister. I'd not requested for it,but she sent it through a friend who was visiting Africa. So hurriedly I changed it,and I got N2,470. That was enough to get my cologne. And I did with it. At first I was almost caught in the web of ingratitude,for I felt it was needless to send what i first termed paltry. But i soon realized the spirit that sent the gift was more important than the gift. Back to my reason for writing you dear note, I saw a man receive a gift today. Obviously he felt beguiled by it. He received a cash gift in the same numeration which i also received. it was however in naira. I saw his excitement demystify as he received this N10. I was sorry for him really cause i knew it was worthless to him. Atleast,if it bought anything,probably sugar. Or probably cigar,and i'm not sure of the later cause i don't use it. But there was no gratitude for 10 received for the recipient,was all full of grumbling which was infectious!

No gratitude for 10 received

I'm on my way home, as I'v closed for the year! hurray for a journey so far,good though laced with stress and storm. Anyway, I saw a little scene that reminded me of a few weeks back. I received a cash gift of 10pounds from my elder sister. I'd not requested for it,but she sent it through a friend who was visiting Africa. So hurriedly I changed it,and I got N2,470. That was enough to get my cologne. And I did with it. At first I was almost caught in the web of ingratitude,for I felt it was needless to send what i first termed paltry. But i soon realized the spirit that sent the gift was more important than the gift. Back to my reason for writing you dear note, I saw a man receive a gift today. Obviously he felt beguiled by it. He received a cash gift in the same numeration which i also received. it was however in naira. I saw his excitement demystify as he received this N10. I was sorry for him really cause i knew it was worthless to him. Atleast,if it bought anything,probably sugar. Or probably cigar,and i'm not sure of the later cause i don't use it. But there was no gratitude for 10 received for the recipient,was all full of grumbling which was infectious!

Fatigue

Dear note,you will be amazed im whispering how tired i get lately. Its understandable,im still on my medications. I have just a few months to go. Im sure i will be fine. I dont have much to say really,cause Im just so tired. All I have done all today is raise my crossed legs over a couch,and stir at the tv screen. Being fatigued is hard work!

My less literate communities work best for me!

Its been a while i whispered to you my dear worries,dear note. Its been tough,life has been tough for me. I have been moving from pillar to post with so much enthusiastic moves but with a little generosity in energy. My exams just started a few days ago and i have not been performing as i think i should. I am tempted to think i have lost all my intellect in the communities i serve on my project. Everything i do now seem to just reflect the minds of the common man on the street. I don't know what to say. I think i am now different. I am not an academic man. I thrive and do things like the people i seek to help. We talk about biting issues like education and violent crimes,students in conflict with the law,sexual abuse in the classroom and the likes. So now i get into the class and i hear someone speak about some policy frameworks that are just theoretically sound but not possible to domesticate in our dear Nigeria. Anyhow, i just hope by the end of this programme, i won't be just the old dog that can't get new tricks. I have learned much at the communities and all i get in class seems to be an aberration to realities. Meantime i Will just relax and enjoy realities at my community outings!

I was safe!

When this afternoon i set out for school, i didn't think i would have my heart panting and nearly piercing out of my rib cage! Atleast i think that is what keeps the heart in place,the rib cage. I got to yaba bus stop and was mystified by the whole situation on ground. I have been able to battle my propensity to fear at the slightest uproar in the past few years but today i lost the battle to that monster called fear. Maybe i didn't like the thought of a violent way to die which the pages of several media splash to who cares to see. The news about bombings and sporadic gun shots are not new with us. So i got to the bus stop. I think a political meeting just ended and there was a vivacity amiss the political thugs in town. Their exciting chants scared me. It scared a preacher in the bus i was. She had preached eternity for those dying faithful to God. But i bet you, she was first to pull out of the stationed bus which we travelled in, if i heard her right, she said she would change her destination! I wonder what she meant by that. She probably ain't convinced the dead Will rise again and enjoy eternal bliss as she preached. As for me, i jumped out and quickly manovered my way through the volatile crowd. Thank GOd i was so safe!

A train alert!

I have often wondered what i would do should i be caught at my wits end at the train interception at yaba. It did come to pass recently. We boarded a bus homeward and everyone sad listlessly as the day must have been hectic. I even wonder what students do in school till as late as six in the evening because the bus was also filled with a handful of students. Suddenly, like my day dreaming or wonderment of the past, we were at the interception when a cry sounded an alarm a train was coming. It was mixed! Everyone had thought to jump through the window if the door wouldn't permit the over eighteen passengers in the vehicle. I won't know who started the cry but it ways a joke. But certainly not a good joke. I had been so scared that the trip home on that vehicle was not able to quench the palpitating situation of my fragile heart which is still undergoing a casting in bronze! Anyhow i just hope our rail system comes alive. I think the fear we nursed on that trip was more of the deadly effects of the rusted part of those trains on the human flesh. Did i hear you say with me,God forbids? Yes,He forbade me from that valley of deep shadow!

A king in his own right

I got into benin yesterday. And this morning,i'm in the city centre. That is ring road. And i can see a masterpiece. The king and his watchmen,beautifully molded. Its a beautiful sight to behold. But,the king is seated with his watchmen. Though they're of molded clay. But i behold another king-a man half dressed. His head filled with locks. And sure its no hard time guessing what he stands for. He's a lunatic. But he is a king in his own right. He's seated but has no attendants,but he's not challenged. He seats tall,after all,he's a king in his own right

The harvest of rain water!

There's a lot to appreciate about where i'v been,and where i am now. I have seen a lot of things remain essentially the same in benin. It rained just as i arrived benin yesterday. And i stood at the balcony of our family home in benin. I watched in amazement the harvest of rain water. Though i know rain water is about the purest,at least that is what i was made to believe,but it was amazing to see the city dwellers running with big bowls to harvest this water. Sadly, this water didnt look so pure. It was being reaped under the support of the roof falls. And truly.the roof have been left untouched by water for a long long while. So it had to wash itself before providing clean water to the joyful harvesters. But it didnt matter to them,they just needed the harvest .

if you ask how I'm doing!

You wont find any tears anymore. If you asked me how I'm doing. I'll say I'm fine. That is how i want it to be. You are pine and I'm orchard. Something there is now that loves a wall. And I'm willing to build this wall between us even farther. We'll need to keep our barns intact. Our goats wont need to stray either way when our wall is tall and firm. I've learned to enjoy the thrill of building this edifice. You wont need to worry about me anymore. Nothing broke. Nothing is lost. Its just as it was. You are you. I am I. The short time we've spent on the plain field is unchanged. Its untouched. I'll remain the household name i used to be. So don't wear any voice of solemnity. I'm just as fine as you are. Now that the wall is fully built.

The 'envelop' got them the entry!

I visited the palace of one of Lagos' traditional rulers today. I just got back. I'd planned to see him today with a colleague. We're looking to work on a research and as usual we needed his consent to walk tall within his domain, to get support from the community people. Our meeting with him was brief. We met with him on the other side of the divide on his massive corridor. That was were we deserved. That's the place of a social worker. I remember earlier there had been some oyinbo men who came in to see him. He had received them in the palace proper. Though i was not inside, i perceive he was alone with these men of 'honour'. Alas, with us was a man whom i guess was a palace jester. He sat next to a tomb just below the corridor we stood. Then i knew we were of the other group. The group that is believed to talk alone. The group that didn't bring the envelope. I don't have an envelop anyway. So I'll have no need to be unhappy. I've relayed my message to the king. And that's all I'm cut out for.

availahderoyconsulting - News

availahderoyconsulting - News